You know you're Tzfati when...

This question was posted in FaceBook on the Tzfat Chevre group.  In no time at all, these gems were posted...

 



​...when someone new moves into the old city and they tell you what house they're renting and you either know the names of the previous residents or have lived there yourself.
 
...strolling down the midrachov fulfills all your socializing needs for the day.
 
…you call the city to report a danger on the street and they tell you that it's the water department's problem. So you call the water department and they refer you back to the city. You call the city again and they tell you that it's absolutely the water department's problem. Back to the water department and....guess what? Chelm looks normal
 
..the directions you give don't include the names of any streets. And neither does the destination, since it could be considered to be on two or three different ones.
 
...people coming to visit you ask you for your address and you laugh and quickly dispel them of the notion that global positioning tech will help them here.
 
…if I am in my bedroom my smart phone shows the location as Tzahal street but if I am in my salon in my recliner then it shows I live on David Elazer
 
…you walk into your bank dressed as a clown and nobody bats an eye, because they assume you're just another "local"
 
…you or your neighbors talk to stray dogs and cats assuming they are reincarnations of people who came to do a tikkun and tell them that they are forgiven and should move on to another life form
 
…you regularly go out in your slippers and think nothing of it.
 
...you can tell someone that you will go and daven at a Kever in your lunchbreak and can't understand why they think it is a big deal
 
…you learn the laws of trumot and maasarot for how to maaser your ganja
 
...people ask where your children are and you don't know...and thats ok.
 
...a mysterious chasid knocks on your gate late at night to tell you his rebbe is out of coffee and you reply by asking him how many teaspoons of sugar does the rebbe take.
 
…when there are hallucinogenic plants growing out of the cracks of old buildings.
 
…when you fall asleep on Friday night to the sounds of Carlebach, sephardi, Chabd, Ashenazi, and Chassidish niggunim,
 
…when you know you are telepathic and thats no big deal.
 
…when a mother calls NACHMAN in the park and 30 kids come running
 
…when you meet someone and they are trying to suss you out and they say "Soooo, where does your husband learn?" and you tell them your husband has a job and they stare at you for a couple seconds. And then they dont know what else to ask...
 
…when you just happen to drop into a magical doorway and meet an old soul who you know from a past life,and the best part is..they remember you..
 
…people tell you they think they are a gilgul of so and so, and you're like, oh yeah, I can see that
 
…you think your house is new cause its only 100 years old instead of 200.
 
…you can tell the difference in "booms" between a falling missle, a sonic boom as our army flies over,fireworks over the Old city, or our"cousins" having a wedding.
 
…where you get honked at by a driver for walking on the sidewalk
 
…where leaks in the walls have mystical significance..
 
…where EVERYTHING is a "tikkun"
 
…and everybody you know is gluten free
 
…you have like over 100 photos on your phone of sunsets over Meron
 
…when you order a pizza for delivery and for your address you just have to tell them who your neighbor is
 
…when your mechanic gives you homemade olives and you know his life's story.
 
…when number of houses on your street are (in this order): 1, 7, 5, 45, 9, 9, 9, 47, 1, 3,3, 8
 
…when people walk in your house thinking its an art gallery. Oops!
so...you sell them something....and invite them for Shabbat meals
 
…when you tell guests it's not an address it's a location --get ready to take notes!
 
…when you're in the bank minding your own business and a woman tries to sell you a CD with her husband's music and then she becomes your first drum teacher.
 
…you know you're a Tzfati when ... the guy in line at the post office who just took a number is jumping up and down yelling "Keter! I got Keter!" and everyone understands he's number 620.
 
…where Judas Priest is heard in the nursing home
 
…when your sister city is Berkeley
 
…when you have ADHD and you feel normal here. Or as my friend said Safed is a place where unmedicated ADD is the norm. That and a cross between a lingering Grateful Dead concert. I do not take credit for either of those brilliant quotes.
 
...when it takes you less time to walk a complete stranger where he needs to go than to give him directions.
 
…where you're psychic, psycho, or both


                  Tzfat... We Love You !!

---